Sexual Healing by Dr. Margarita Kressin

Recap: George and Harriet are a happily married couple. They have not had sex in 5 years and George one day brings home the little blue pill. He expected sex to just happen. Harriet is apprehensive and scared. They try to have sex and it was miserable. Now there is tension and they haven’t brought it up again. That was six months ago.

At George’s follow-up appointment, he explains the situation.

I explain to George that sex at 60 is very different from what it was in their younger years. It may seem obvious, but many men think that they can pick up where they left off when it comes to sexual activity. And some couples may have not have had sex for many years because of different reasons. To assume that sex will be as it was in their 20s or even in their 40s is an unfair and unrealistic expectation.

I explain to George how women are different from men when it comes to sex. Again, it sounds intuitive, but understanding the differences can bring to light an already complicated and confusing process.

I asked George to bring Harriet to his next appointment. More importantly, I schedule an appointment with the sex therapist alone and then together as a couple. Sex therapy is good for everyone. It is not necessarily marriage counseling (although obviously, topics regarding the marriage are touched on), but more on sex therapy. Sexual communication is also explained and techniques are taught. Sexual communication is distinct and different from other communication, and it is a skill that most people need to learn. It is also a skill that is easily ignored. Marriage counseling also does not necessarily touch on sex. So there is benefit in seeing a sex therapist.

Next I see Harriet alone and discuss with her her needs and issues. Then we all come together and come up with a sexual plan. There is no pill to make this all better. It requires communication and work from the couple, and it may take weeks to months to get them to their goal. But it is doable.

After the appointment, George and Harriet are getting on the same page. They are not there, yet. They require continued work with the sex therapist and follow-up visits with me to teach them techniques, and progress is made slowly.

At the end, it is their goal as a couple and a revival of their sexual relationship that is accomplished.